Visual Hunt

Local Mega-Church Sells Series On Sex In Attempt To Gain Followers

Sean Nolan comments
| Satire

Taking a cue from secular marketing strategists, local mega-church GateWay Bridge of Faith Church is seeking to grow its customer-base using sex. “It’s a time-tested truth that sex sells,” said lead pastor Terry Wells, in his iconic alliterate style. “We’d be fools not to capitalize on this method of increasing our capital—tithe, increasing our tithe.”

“The biggest challenge was finding a series logo that was sexy enough to attract outsiders, but also modest enough not to make anyone stumble.” Said 19-year-old pastor of marketing Joel Withers. “Ultimately we opted for an edgy photo of two pairs of bare feet poking out from under the white covers of the marital bed.”

The church hopes this will further their mission to gather the whole city of Atlanta into their 16 campuses to hear their message of watered-down truth. “The Bible has a lot to say about sex, just like every other subject. As I like to say, “If God said it once, we’ll make it the theme of a 12-week series.’” said Wells.

The sex series starts the Sunday following Easter. “We’re hoping to leverage the guest attendance that usually comes with the Easter holiday,” said worship arts pastor Shaun Smith. “I’m really excited about our theme and the set design we’ve come up with. The giant cross will come down after Easter Sunday and we’ll replace it with a king-size bed. We might even have our drummer play on top of the bed. It’s going to be pretty epic!”

Sex, Sunday, and Satan” kicks off the first weekend of April at GateWay Bridge of Faith and their 16 campuses. Service times are 9, 10, & 11am, and 5pm on Sundays as well as 5, 6, & 7pm on Saturday nights.

Author

Sean Nolan

Sean Nolan is a Christ-follower, husband, father, and pastor in the Baltimore area. He writes for Gospel-Centered Discipleship and at Family Life Pastor and doesn't care about sports.

My Website: http://gcdiscipleship.com/