Drew Johnson Photography / CityLife Church

Miracle-Worker Successfully Turns Wine into Grape Juice

Sean Nolan comments
| Satire

The congregation of Grace Bible Church of Charleston are still in awe after the miracle performed by pastor Terry Willis this past Sunday. Setting to rest years of debate, he masterfully exegeted multiple controversial passages to end any discussion over the permissibility of alcohol consumption.

“He literally turned every passage in Scripture containing reference to wine into grape juice.” said an anonymous source.

“I didn’t realize that up until this modern apostate generation, wine didn’t contain alcohol.” said, Jenny Hilton, a long time member of Grace Bible Church. “I’ll have to dump out the gift I received for Mother’s Day, a bottle of nice wine, and repent of my evil ways.”

A visiting chemist, Chris Mustaine, expressed his amazement at the spectacle, “we know that fermentation is the scientific event that Jesus was referring to when he mentions putting new wine in old wineskins. Today I saw Pastor Terry defy the laws of science by explaining how the same phenomenon could happen when using grape juice without the fermentation process. I’ve never been so encouraged in my faith. I’m now more equipped to minister to others.”

Pastor Terry could not be reached for comment as he was accompanying several members of his church to their homes to perform additional miracles, such as making wine disappear from their homes.


Sean Nolan

Sean Nolan is a Christ-follower, husband, father, and pastor in the Baltimore area. He writes for Gospel-Centered Discipleship and at Family Life Pastor and doesn't care about sports.

My Website: http://gcdiscipleship.com/